Asylum
by shilhouette68
Summary: Unintentionally, Kanda had become her refuge. KandaLenalee.


**Title:** Asylum**  
Pairing:** KandaLenalee**  
Summary:** Unintentionally, Kanda had become her refuge.

* * *

Silence. Awkward silence. Between two people.

Kanda's eyebrow twitched, not due to petulance, but rather due to the unsettling environment that resided just a few minutes after Lenalee came in. "What's wrong?" He finally asked.

His voice was ice against her ears, numbing and chilling; to her, the characterization, tone, and expression Kanda held whenever he spoke made her think that he was the epitome of nonchalance, callousness, and placidity––though when angered: scary and deadly––but a part of his personality, the side which was very rarely seen, made her think otherwise. The echo of his voice bounced off the four walls of the room, reverberating, resounding, and it eventually dissipated, killed by the quietness.

Lenalee laughed uneasily and nervously. "Nothing. Just… wanting a break from the ruckus downstairs." She now shifted her sitting position, mimicking how his posture was, how he was seated. They were on the floor, meditating (well, Kanda was). "I'll stay quiet, don't worry." She slightly turned her head to him and managed a small smile.

"You better." The color of the statement added another heavy sac of rice on her chest, on her shaken heart.

She sighed, trying to lighten the load she was feeling. She stared at her restlessly fidgeting hands; they were loosely clasped together and her pointer fingers kept going around each other, on and on, connoting her troubled self, her insecure mind.

_Leverrier visited._

She couldn't fathom why he suddenly showed up at first. She knew that the only time Leverrier ever bothered to appear in Headquarters was if the Innocence was concerned, but there was nothing about it that could've alerted his attention: no crisis, the Earl wasn't on the move, everything was fine. She felt disturbed as one thing came to mind.

He came for _her_.

That was the only logical reason. Leverrier had always been fascinated with her Dark Boots, he'd run tests and examinations; he'd bring her to Hevlaska and after a while, interrogate her with several questions that sometimes she couldn't answer and he'd explode on her. She would try to get away from him, get as far away from him as possible when she was still a child. It was easy before, but now, she didn't think so anymore. She won't be able to squeeze herself between tight spaces, or compress herself under her bed or inside boxes or cabinets.

This was the only place she could think of right now, where she felt safe, like always.

Kanda's room.

(With him.)

Lenalee glanced at Kanda at the corner of her eye and immediately looked away. I wonder, she thought, if he minds that I'm here. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and tried to meditate like the eighteen-year-old exorcist beside her; meditation resulted in calmness and relaxation, and she needed some at the moment. She straightened her back and inhaled deeply, clearing her mind as she went––she then exhaled. Momentarily, all she saw was a white canvas; empty, she was unthinking; but then her thoughts started forcing themselves in. Her concentration fluctuated, she suddenly became irresolute, and her tranquil emotions oscillated.

She tried again.

Her respiration was even, her diaphragm rising, her lungs expanding and contracting; she was slowly feeling the depressing anxiety within her flow out; she felt light. Just then, everything shattered when her brain began cogitating once more.

(An image of a frightening Leverrier eventuated in the blackness. Something from the past.)

She opened her eyes, let out a breath, and struggled once more to find––inner––peace.

"You're doing it wrong."

Lenalee turned her head to the side and saw Kanda looking at her. Their eyes met: hers were troubled and quite desperate; his were sharp and unfeeling. Lenalee became concerned. _I just bothered him._ "Am––am… I?" She read his eyes, looking for hints of irritation and impatience, but found nothing but an abyss of seriousness––austereness.

"You're subconsciously thinking. Clear your head properly."

"Right." She nodded, but was still uncertain. "Thanks."

He heaved a heavy sigh and made a face, apparently not buying her flawed facade. "Ignore everything for now; forget Leverrier."

She stared for a while and then smiled at him. "Right."

He turned, closed his eyes, and recommenced. "And don't emit such discords––doubt, dysphoria, cowardice. I can feel them and it's very disruptive."

She felt sheepish. "Okay. I'm sorry."

Kanda never said anything. Serenity once more.

* * *

_That was two years ago._

* * *

Coming back to present time, Lenalee stood outside Kanda's room, debating on whether she should knock and go in or walk right pass his door and leave him alone. She wanted to gently rap on the wooden blockage of the aperture, but something told her that she shouldn't. I'm not sure if it's still okay with him, she thought.

She had just slipped from Leverrier's iron grip a few seconds ago and she needed to––no, she _wanted_ to hide. Her heart raced as she wasted time standing still; she was dawdling and in each passing millisecond, Leverrier was searching for her, getting closer. At that moment, she made up her mind: her knuckles tapped on the door. She waited but didn't hear any acknowledgement from the other side. She reached for the doorknob and turned it, creaking the door open so that she could peer inside.

Kanda was sitting on the floor, with a water bottle beside him, meditating.

"Kanda?" Her voice was meek and cracked. _Maybe I shouldn't…_

He wasn't fazed by her call. "Just get in."

(For some reason, she felt comforted.)

Lenalee went in and closed the door soundlessly; she went beside him and sat on the floor, five feet away. She closed her eyes and tried to mitigate the beating of her heart. She released a puff of breath.

"What is it?"

She instantly reopened her eyes and glanced at him warily. "N––nothing. What makes you…?" She trailed.

A moment of silence, a pause, as if to dramatize the suspicious atmosphere; then he spoke. "He's here again, isn't he?" It was a firm assumption.

There was no use hiding the truth from Kanda––she couldn't possibly hide anything at all when it came to him; it would be just a fruitless and futile attempt. "I'm sorry; for always running here. It's just that… ever since we were small, I could be with you and you wouldn't ask me any questions." She looked at him, grateful. "It helps me relax."

_Ever since._

Lenalee thought back to her younger days, times when she would go missing when Leverrier came, moments of chaos and turbulence because Komui couldn't find her. Her brother would command everybody in the Order to scrutinize every nook and corner; the scientists' paperwork would be delayed because of it; Leverrier would be tapping his finger on the desk, as his coffee cooled. (There was an instance when she hid in the wrong place, inside a huge cabinet in one of the offices, and Leverrier was just outside, oblivious to the fact that she was a breath away.)

And Kanda.

He would be outside, training, while everything else was happening.

The first time she came across him was when she managed to squeeze herself through the hole in the wall, next to the gate. She was careful to not be spotted by the flying golems and the gatekeeper. She ducked behind the bushes and crawled her way into the depths of the forest. When she came to the clearing, stood up and raised her head, she saw Kanda, unloading his things, preparing for his daily training.

He stopped, stood up straight, and looked her in the eye. Recognition dawned in. "You're… Komui's––"

She obtruded. "No, please don't tell." She bowed her head, expecting him to call Komui through his golem––if he had one. Tears were starting to form. "Don't say anything… please." She rubbed at her eyes.

(Nothing moved for a prolonged period of time.)

Her heart seemed to skip pulses when she heard him speak again. "Here." She opened her eyes and her unfocused vision was greeted with a white, square blur headed toward her. She opened her hands and caught it out of reflex; it was a neatly folded, white, unsoiled, handkerchief. She looked at him, apparently confused. "Clean your face and be quiet."

Time wound by; she watched him cut trees in quick motions, blindfold himself and sliced unknowingly falling leaves; she sat impressed in a distance. It amazed her at how keen his senses were.

The sun was already high up, probably mid-afternoon, but it was hard to tell due to the thick leaves blocking the sunlight. The area they were at was cool, there was no wind or breeze though. Lenalee had lost track of time, she didn't know how long she had been outside of the tall edifice, and everybody must have been panicking by now. The dark haired boy she met was sitting on the grass, having a break, when she asked him a question.

"Um… do you know what time it is?"

He grabbed the bottle situated beside him and had a drink. "No." He replied laconically.

"Oh," she said tentatively, disappointed. "Hey…" she started once more, in a more timid and humble manner, "I don't think I've met you before. What's your name?"

He placed the cap back on the bottle. "Kanda." He said without looking at her.

She smiled. "I'm Lenalee. It's nice to meet you."

He remained quiet. He rummaged through his bag and got out two containers. He opened one and the smell of fresh, hot soba wafted up; the other one he settled beside him, unopened. He got out a pair of chopsticks next; then he suddenly took note of her. "You hungry?"

Lenalee was taken aback by the query, caught off-guard. _I thought he was… ignoring me._ She was about to hastily respond but Kanda beat her to do so.

He gestured to the untouched bento. "Steamed buns. They're yours, if you want." He began eating, noodles were entering his mouth.

She smiled and walked over to where he was seated. She sat down and opened the clear, plastic box. The buns were still warm and there was a small bottle that held the sauce; the smell was very appetizing. "Thank you, Kanda."

Typical of him, he never said a conventional response; it felt right.

Lenalee steadied her breathing as her reminiscing mind resurfaced from her memories. She was counting the (innumerable) instances when she would go to where Kanda was whenever Leverrier arrived. _I never actually faced that man, not properly, not at all._ She smiled sadly. "I'm just really running away, right, Kanda?" It wasn't a question held out for approval, more like a resolute idea. She was suddenly filled with gloom. "I need to be stronger," she whispered, "I have to face things like this nowadays––" She felt her emotions mix and well up.

The older exorcist scowled and sighed tiredly in slight exasperation. "Funny you'd say that." He said; a controlled annoyance––indicating that he was being distracted––inserted in his tone. "I think you're a pretty strong person."

(_There he goes again, catching me off-guard._)

She looked at him with a disbelieving expression, a semi-skeptical one with an overtone of surprise. She couldn't find the right words to say. "Kanda…"

"Just shut up and meditate." His voice turned stern and astringent.

She smiled weakly. "Okay." Just when she was about to do so, her golem beeped thrice and a youthful voice came through.

"_Lenalee Lee is to come to Hevlaska's chamber immediately. Order of Secretary Leverrier and the Supervisor."_

The female exorcist's expression twisted into something unfamiliar. When the page ended, the room didn't seem so pacific anymore, albeit there was no echo of any sort. Lenalee was about to go when Kanda's voice called her. She turned to look at him, but their gaze didn't meet; his were still closed, still meditating.

(An alteration of ambience.)

"Just remember that you don't have to do everything he tells you." He paused, subtly formulating his next words. "You can always say no." _Komui will understand––he'll take your side._

Lenalee generated an appreciative expression, but there was doubt.

Kanda's mien didn't change, calm and firm. "If the bastard explodes on you for disobeying, tell him that _I'm_ the one who told you to."

She wanted to giggle but it was too much work; instead, she smiled warmly. She didn't know why, but she thought that he might've actually meant what he said; she curiously and vaguely wondered what he would say if the inspector confronted him for giving her _advice_ like that. "Thank you, Kanda, for being there for me."

Kanda didn't seem to hear.

The door clicked open and then thudded shut. The room reverted to how it was.


End file.
